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Where am I going? Well, erm, not sure. On just about every level. Though perhaps it is better to say that I have already been gone, left- which you might already know. Not gone gone. Just in the sense of not having been here.
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I think about you all the time, and try to will myself to post. But my posts always start with an apology for not having been here more frequently, and even I don't want to hear that, so I erase the apology. But then, I find I have nothing that I feel compelled to write. Because frankly I don't feel moved by my usual topics, and can't quite muster a light-hearted attitude or positive spin on a consistent basis. Lovely things still happen, but I hold them and keep them close. I consider sharing the beauty, but don't want to risk making special times less special in the retelling. So I exit the blog and go on.
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Go on about the business at hand. Go on about caring for Sophia, caring for our new cat, learning the area, trying to find a real job, keeping the house clean and the clothes washed, filling out mountains of paperwork. Go on about trying to find my life balance and my even keel. Go on about deciding who to let in and how, and who to let go and how. Go on about discovering how much of the past needs to make sense before I just enjoy the present and push ahead to the future. Go on about all of those things that might actually be good to blog about sometimes.
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So, I figured that since I am *gone* I owe it to you to point and wave at that elephant in the room. And let you know that it is not without regret. And to let you know that I am still going, and I hope to make it back. As hard as it will be for me to post seldom and unapologetically, maybe I will get there one day. And if I do, I hope to see you there!
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7 comments:
I've read your post but at this very moment, I really don't have a comment to post!! As you can see, it's only 4 AM and I have not had my coffee yet and so, it's much too early in the morning to digest your post and have an intelligent response. I must say that the seriousness of your musings woke me up sufficiently to go get that cup of java! Back later!!!
Well, I'm back...and I must confess...after several cups of strong brew, I am still unsure of your post....a very heavy entry for certain! My heart is heavy for you and your present trials; but my heart is also filled with hope that one day soon you will emerge as a butterfly from it's cocoon...filled with joy and peace in your heart; knowing where you are, knowing where you're going, and most importantly, acknowledging where you've been. As you absent yourself from your daily blog updates, please know that your many, many, followers; friends and family alike, look forward to the day that you do drop in and let us know of the beauty that fills you up once again! Until then, God Bless You.
I'll miss you Jennie,along with all your other friends and followers, but it sounds like you are ready for a break. You have so much to deal with at the moment with your life having changed dramatically this last year,and so much to come to terms with and sort out and move forward with, and blogging is so time consuming. Although we all know the benefits,fun and satisfaction we experience sharing things, it works best when it feels right and comes naturally rather than being an obligation.
I look forward to your return one day when it feels right again for you.In the meantime take care, and enjoy these precious and best years with your lovely Sophia, and enjoy the fun of a new cat!
Big hugs and best wishes from across the water Jennie
Gill xx
Oh Lordy Jennie. I think as your mum said "a heavy post" my sweet. :(
I know where you're coming from dear Jennie, and get you all the way.
Bless you my sweet. Shall miss your posts immensely, but I know you'll come bouncing back with your positive, confident, outgoing, wonderful and beautiful life stories and makes.
I look forward to that day dear Jennie, as I know it will come when you're ready.
Xxooxx
Oh Lordy Jennie. I think as your mum said "a heavy post" my sweet. :(
I know where you're coming from dear Jennie, and get you all the way.
Bless you my sweet. Shall miss your posts immensely, but I know you'll come bouncing back with your positive, confident, outgoing, wonderful and beautiful life stories and makes.
I look forward to that day dear Jennie, as I know it will come when you're ready.
Xxooxx
Thank you Mom, Gill, and Donna for your kind words. You've made my heart a little less heavy, and I love you all -xoxo
Not sure how I just saw this post today, seeing that I check your blog daily and some times, more than that.
I'll miss you, be sure of that! You know where I am if you need to talk or share!
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