OK. I'm seeking words of wisdom from those of you with children. Grown children. Multiple children. Any children at all.
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My child is a free spirit. This is not necessarily in the "peace and love" or "march to you own beat" sort of way. It's more in the urban dictionary definition: "someone who isn't weighed down by the troubles of everyday life, is always themselves regardless of the situation and lives life to the full. Not restricted by other people's opinions." It is meant to be a positive description, and I know this personality type will probably ultimately serve her well in life.
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At THIS stage in her life, however, my daughter is so concerned with demanding her independence and doing things "her way" that it doesn't seem like a positive personality type at all. I will spare you the gory details, but after almost 5 years of struggle, my patience is just fried. No break is ever long enough.
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Before I had a child, I think I gave nature and nurture a 50/50 split. Maybe even gave nurture a slight advantage. These days, I'm leaning more toward giving nature at least 75% or more.
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My husband and I both have basic, old-fashioned behavioral ideals- you know, "honor thy mother and father", "respect your elders", etc. From day one our three family rules have been: be safe, be kind, and follow directions. And from day one, these rules have been enforced and they have been challenged. We are not talking about a phase here.
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If I had a child who automatically did what they were told and respected authority, I would probably still believe in 50/50 nature nurture. But, that's not what I have. Pretty much every day is a war of wills, some with only one battle, some without respite from battle. So, I need to know, do other people face this challenge? How do you manage? How much of this did I create? How do I nurture someone with this nature? In your experience, do children grow up because of you or despite you? I know this too shall pass, but what do I do in the meantime?